Lose Your Mind in 17 Easy Steps

Here’s how!

1. Attempt to fix your six year old’s beloved Creeper back pack dangler by Krazy Gluing two lost legs back on. Do this in a location conducive to Krazy Glue repairs, such as a counter in a laundry room.
2. Tell your six year old to stop bouncing around you so much while you’re trying to concentrate on inserting two of the tiniest bits of plastic into a slot that has apparently shrunk since said bits of plastic were evacuated.
3. Titter apprehensively at six year old as he takes the tube of Krazy Glue and tries to cover the letters ‘z’, ‘y’ and ‘u’ with his fingers to re-create some “movie magic”.
4.  Make sure you say, very loudly, “Do NOT touch the top of the glue. It’s open and has glue on it!”at least three times.
5. Watch in horror as the words leave your mouth and enter his head as a suggestion rather than a warning.
6. Close your eyes for 3/10 of a second and just breath.  This will give you the clarity and serenity to accept what is about to happen.
7. Calmly instruct child to remove fingers from the top of the tube of glue.
8. Calmly instruct child to stop pressing glue covered fingers together as they will stay that way forever.
9. Respond to the child’s question of how to remove Kragle from one’s fingers with “You don’t.”
10. Jump as child suddenly shouts indecipherable words at you, this will cause the tiniest bits of Krazy Glue covered plastic to pop out of shrunken slot and begin heading for your face.
11. Swat at tiniest bits of Krazy Glue covered plastic. This will stick them to your left hand.
12. Try to remove plastic bits from your left hand with your right hand.  This will stick them to your right hand.
13. As child begins to hyperventilate at the thought of his fingers being “flat feeling” forever,  frantically try to shake, pick, unstick all bits of plastic and place them into a safe place.
14. Comfort child with your elbows because you do not want to stick to him forever.
15. Once child is again calm, come to the realization that one Creeper leg is permanently affixed to the bottom of your laundry room tub.
16. Inform six year old that Uncle Creeper didn’t need four legs anyway and he can f*cking “STOP CRYING ABOUT IT ALL RIGHT NOW BEFORE YOU REALLY GIVE HIM SOMETHING TO CRY ABOUT!!!!”
17. Drink half a bottle of red, pick Krazy Glue off your fingers and hands and vow to remove all Minecraft, Creeper and Kragle related items from your house tomorrow.

He’s very sad about his leg.